Excuse Me, Young Man – I Mean Ma’am…

I have tears, and they are not of joy or pain – they are of sheer AGONY.  While reading some national news on my homepage today, I was horrified.  This is not for the faint of heart, or for children.  Cover little Johnny’s eyes, and give grandpa a nitro tablet – this is about to get ugly.  I do mean U-G-L-Y.

Apparently in Chicago, hags are having a tough time making ends meet.  It’s hard to pay rent on a real 9-5, but there is a gentlemen’s club – I use the term “gentlemen” loosely – that evidently employs only women that look like transvestites.  For those that will bitch about being PC – I’ll clean it up.  They only appear to employ women that look like men dressed as women.  Okay, crybabies, it was easier to use the word transvestite, now wasn’t it?

Don’t take my word for it.  Check out these gruesome strippers at the Pink Monkey and then throw bleach in your eyes.  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Now if only there were photos of some patrons.  Notice how none were hamming in photos with the dancers?  It’s almost impossible NOT to find a photo of a Hooter’s girl without some hard-dick patron begging to be in the picture with her.  And Hooter’s isn’t even a strip club!  I wonder how many guys hit the men’s room until the coast was clear at this Pink Monkey club? 

*DISCLAIMER:  No profit was gained by borrowing these sad photos and using business names in this post.  I’d sooner kill myself than take credit.  Photos Copyrighted by AP.

 

Shopping for Wedding Dresses in Little Rock, Arkansas

In a struggling economy, saving money can relieve a future bride’s stress, and allow her to focus on more important things – like the upcoming honeymoon.

See more at http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/1547181/shopping_for_wedding_dresses_in_little.html

 

Shiiiiiiit…

                         

This is the one person I could drop kick into oblivion and not feel one bit bad about it.  Seriously, I get all warm and fuzzy when the logical part of my brain kicks in with the reality:  NO ONE on this planet could beat and torture this piece of shit half as bad as the inmates in prison are going to.  It will be the absolute definition of “hell on earth.”  Every female inmate with a hunger to destroy another human being is laying awake nights praying that Casey Anythony is sent to the same prison they are in.  Shank production is at a record high, I’m sure.  Casey Anthony is such a waste of human flesh, I bet her poontang won’t even be worthy of being used as prison currency.  Murderers and bank robbers certainly can’t be mistaken for moral compasses, however, even they have certain standards – and I would like to put $5 on the “How Long Will Casey Anthony Last In Prison” wager with 6 months maximum (providing she isn’t in general population without guards).  Then again, guards aren’t always reliable, are they?  Sleep well, cumstain…

 

Oh, Hell Naw!

It’s not enough that this has got to be one of the most unattractive female celebrities I’ve seen since – well – Serena Williams (she wins the prize for looking like a gorilla).  First of all, mean-mugging makes her look like a dude, but throw a bow on her head and now she looks like a transexual fetish performer.  Thank the Gods she stopped this pink and white catastrophe after throwing that stupid blouse on.   I’m seriously in the wrong line of work, I could pull together a better wardrobe for this man-girl with the lights out.  Who the fuck is her stylist, and why do they have a job?

 

Photo property Sara De Boer

 

Big Girls Shouldn’t Do Mini-Dresses

Just when it appeared Mariah Carey was slimming down closer to her 1990’s figure, she did an about-face and wound up packing on a few.  I have nothing against overweight people, since I happen to be one of them, but big people that aren’t aware they’re big (or maybe in denial) drive me up the wall.  The ensamble in question (pictured above) does only two things for Mariah:

1. Make her look bigger than she probably is by squeezing her backfat like toothpaste from a tube and

2. Make her look like one of those trailer park moms that get drunk and hit on the teenage boys that come over to visit her kids. (Standing next to her husband makes her look OLD – but that’s what you get for marrying a fetus). 

There is a lesson in this ladies:  If you MUST marry a younger man, make sure he looks older than he is, that way you: a.) Don’t look like a creepy femme-perv and b.) Don’t have to worry about the “To Catch a Predator” guy mistakenly profiling you.

 

Freakin’ Sarah Palin . . .

 

 

 

 

I could spend the rest of my life not hearing her name or, better yet, her annoying voice.  She’s not vey good with math, either, considering she thinks having over $1 million in assetts and earning over $160K a year is “middle class.”  If I hear her name one more time I shall be forced to committ Harry Carey.  She pisses me off so bad I can’t even write anything interesting about her.  Ugh, that feakin’ whiney-assed voice!

 

What The…

 

Providing I get out of bed without hitting snooze 12 times, I have a window of opportunity before I leave for work to watch a little television.  Sometimes I watch VH-1 and listen to the music while I get dressed.  One morning about a month ago, I had the misfortune to turn on the television as some unknown transvestite was wailing about her drug problem and not going to rehab.  Much to my dismay, it was a real music video, not a spoof as I had hoped. 

It was a trainwreck, I didn’t want to look, but I couldn’t help it.  I’m still not convinced Amy Winehouse is a woman.  Take a gander of the picture accompanying this post if you think I’m wrong, then reconsider.  What the hell is wrong with her, aside from the drug issues and the obvious?  There isn’t nough dope in all the world to make ANY sighted person see Amy Winehouse as “sexy” or even borderline decent.  Her husband has to be gay to be turned on by this manly piece of trash.  Aside from the fact that both of them have teeth that look like candy corn, a straight man would pick a woman that looks like a woman, not a tansvestite with two fried eggs hanging off its chest.

Ugh…I need an asprin.

 

Cold Weather Money Making

This winter, extra money will likely come in handy for heating bills and Christmas spending relief.  Add a little more into your bank account by picking up a part-time business for the cold months, and start out the new year with some bills paid on time.  Read more.

 

CSI: Classroom

It’s no secret I love CSI. I also watch Cold Case Files on A&E as well as City Confidential. I’m a nerd, I can live with that title. My 11 year-old daughter’s science class had their very own CSI in class.  After helping her gather up materials to contribute to this, I decided to write an article on it for those that can appreciate this type of thing.  Read the article.

 

New Year’s Eve For Sober Party Animals

Not everyone will be drinking alcohol this New Year’s Eve.  I, for one, usually fall into that category.  I usually stay home, and am in bed shortly after midnight.  For those that want to celebrate, but have children or just don’t drink, I’ve got you covered.   Read more.